Block Heads

“YES! We have you TRAPPED INSIDE!! You paid your steep cover charge, and you want your money’s worth, so YOU’RE STAYING FOR A WHILE!! And these four walls and roof are also keeping the music LOUD so you can’t avoid noticing us! You can’t leave because you’re over 21 and you know the value of a dollar, so watch us and listen to us because you have VERY FEW OTHER OPTIONS!! VICTORY IS OURS, MWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!

…. Hey, wait a minute, that kid over there can’t be more than 12 years old. What gives? Hey, wait, where are those people over there going? Why are you… Hey, it’s not as loud on stage anymore… What happened to the walls? And who has the nerve to be leaving, huh??? What, NO COVER CHARGE? And ma’am, how did you get that cotton candy, anyway? What’s going on here? I thought we OWNED you… Uh oh…

Oh NO!!!! We’re not inside anymore, we’re playing
outdoors… at a …

….BLOCK PARTY!!!

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!………..”

Since the weather is getting warmer by the day towards the end of March, I start thinking about block parties (or “bazaars” where I grew up in northern Schuylkill County). You want to talk about your ‘night and day’ comparisons! When you’re in a band, block parties are very fun to play for, but there are definitely different obstacles to concern yourself with that don’t exist indoors. And because I like lists, here are just a few things that pop up for a block party band that don’t exactly show up inside at a bar:

-Old(er) People.
-Young(er) People.
-Foul Language Concerns
-The ‘Sidebar’ Factor

Ok, first the old(er) people. Usually a normal bar’s demographic is predominantly between 21 and 41, mostly 20-somethings. Old(er) people going to block parties like to bring fold-out beach chairs with them so they are guaranteed a seat. Smiling has long since been abandoned from their faces when they watch bands play music released within the last 20 years, because to them I have the nerve to not be Paul Anka. And even the old(er) people who do say that they like our music only do so because either A) It’s a church’s block party and they are just genuinely nice parishioners or B) They just ate one OUTSTANDING bleenie.

Then you have to watch out for the young(er) people. Toolshed Jack’s covers of “Sex on Fire”, “Laid”, and “Crazy Bitch” may be slightly suggestive and inappropriate to the youngens, no matter how educational these songs may be. And with the little tweeners that happen to be around 11, smiling has been abandoned from their faces because to them I have the nerve to not be Justin Bieber. I love when they come up to someone in the band like Steve-O and ask “Do you guys know any Chloe J?” Knowing Steve, he’d be polite and say “No girls, I’m sorry.” But I’d probably butt in and say “We know our DRUMMER JAY…wanna hear him?” And then they’d get all embarrassed and leave and think OMG and go back to the dunk tank.

For the last 3-4 years Toolshed Jack, has had one annual block party (amongst others): St. Stephen’s Church Block Party in Port Carbon. My father went to school there and the rest of that side of the family, too, so each performance is a family reunion of the multitudes of cousins I don’t know. Which is why ‘watching your language’ is soooo tough when on a public outdoor stage. Not that we in TSJ are potty mouths in general, but every s-word and f-word that accidentally enters your microphone outdoors might as well be a nuclear bomb. And dirty lyrics are even worse, because I forget beforehand about verses like Sublime’s “What I Got” which quickly have to be improvised AT THAT MOMENT from:

I CAN PLAY THE GUITAR LIKE A MOTHER F*CKIN’ RIOT

To

I CAN PLAY THE, errr…, GUITAR LIKE A, ummm…
…brother truckin’, buy it?

And then the fourth thing you need to realize about being a band outdoors at a block party is the Sidebar Factor. No matter how loud you blast your speakers, it is not like you’re indoors. Indoors, you and your blaring self-important music are as obvious as a 900-pound gorilla in the room. Outdoors, you are just the loud annoyance on the walk to play Bingo. Or you are the sidebar distraction while the dice wheel spins three deuces. Or you just happen to an obstacle near the kindergarten game of freeze tag that broke out just below the flatbed truck you are standing on. Or you are the losers that fail to entertain the crowd of people that you can most relate to: The adults in the roped-off Beer Garden. Playing mostly to the sober, it is then you realize which songs you play are actually ‘good’ versus the ones that normally get praise but now you realize that it is because the indoor bar people throwing out the compliments are actually ‘wasted’.

I personally wished we played a dozen block parties a year. I know it seems like I am downplaying them, but downplaying is the only thing comically interesting. I love them. So if you see Toolshed Jack at a block party or think of hiring us, we love the offer. Actually, the scenery change with an outdoor block party is outstanding after always being inside. There’s soooo much more room to be goofy. With my wireless microphone and Steve-O with a wireless bass guitar, we run around off-stage for the sole purpose to confuse the crowd, exude the rock and roll spirit, and/or get into that game of freeze tag.

-Brian from Toolshed Jack