Predictably Shameless

I love to read the comments that you fine folks post after an article of mine on PAMusicScene. So the other day I checked back in to see if I can reply to any comments that may have been submitted after my sixth column on here called “Odd Man Out.” What I found down there perplexed me, and I may need your help if you happen to know anything about computers, other than “I know how to shut down” or “When I’m in chat rooms with sexy girls, I’m good at typing with only one hand.”

My ‘Odd Man Out’ column about Schuylkill County is suddenly linked, in the comments section at the bottom, to a band in Richmond (I’ll assume ‘Virginia’) named The MC Guffin. And the link’s text is actually a question: ‘How do I get more involved in the music and entertainment scene in Victoria?’

Damned if I don’t ask myself that question AT LEAST a dozen times a day, you know… Needless to say I’ve got no clue how this happened, how it got there or what this all means. However there is an unfortunate morbid-curiosity part of my brain that can’t just settle on an obvious answer like “Well, it is some sort of spam-thing and unknown bozos like these people do this crap all the time.”

So like a curious mouse I followed the Pied Piper by caving in and clicking the link. HAD to… The MC Guffin needs me, damn it. Without me clicking this link, how will I know about the Victoria music scene? HOW?? Maybe a heartless troll like yourself doesn’t care about The MC Guffin from Virginia. You bastard. So I LEFT CLICK: And what I saw next felt even stranger.

To spare you from having to do this all yourself, let me tell you what you find: My “Odd Man Out” article link is found on this MC Guffin website, among 20 other article links listed as ‘related blogs’. They’re related because my article appears on the PA Music Scene site and has the words ‘music’ and ‘scene’ just like the Victoria question. I suppose this is some sort of search-engine thing, but now my article is linked to these folks I don’t know. And trust me, there wasn’t even that good of an answer submitted by Virginia readers as to how to get more involved in the music and entertainment scene in Victoria, besides the one that suggests the person try out for Victoria Idol.

But a small part of me gets fed up that some faceless band I don’t know or care about is leaching onto my writings just to get publicity, albeit in a weird way. So in conclusion I suppose this is all just one big confusion cluster that I will now anymore only confide to my therapist, if I actually had one.

Are we in the music business that shameless that we just find any means whatsoever to get our band names out there no matter if the connection doesn’t even make sense? Answer: Yes. After poking around PA Music Scene, we music people are such promotion whores. We’ll advertise ANYWHERE and ANYHOW, regardless of appropriateness or organization. Thank goodness we have Gina around here at PAMusicScene to organize things on this website (BTW, I am still trying to suck up to her to become the site’s Assistant General Manager, instead of my job right now as beer wench). But let’s face it: EVERY band out there featured on this website will do ANYTHING to get publicity. We’ll even desperately slip our band name in your face where you least expect it. Heck, isn’t my pen name “Brian from Toolshed Jack”? Why do you think I don’t go by my real name of Brian Dixinya?

Ok, sorry. My real name is Holden Mcgroin.

Boy, the Internet has become such a game-changer for advertising a band. Back in the old days 20 years ago, a band would need to get an advertisement in a prehistoric household purchase known as a ‘newspaper’. But now with the internet you can control your own advertising, post videos, chat with fans, blog about your experiences, and tell about upcoming events and gigs at lightening speed. Also we purchase stickers and other Checkout-aisle items with our websites listed on them to give away at gigs for free. We use Facebook and Twitter and personal .com websites and even hold on to a fossil like MySpace. And you know why we do it? Because if we don’t, a band’s future prospects are as good as dead.

The quote of the day is the classic “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.” But I fear our publicity-mongering these days is getting WAY too predictable to the general public. We all in the biz just want to always be on the tip of your tongue regardless of how annoying or commonplace we become. I do believe all bands love their fans, but we need to do better at being fresh. Don’t think things are as predictable as I make them out to be? Without much effort, let me write a basic multiple-choice template for 95% of the posts I read from the bands online in their effort to get continual publicity:

“Hey everyone out there in the (city/town name) area! We’re (band name mention #1) and we hope to rock your world this (day of week) at the (bar/festival name). Our new (album/tour) called (album name/tour’s name that ends in suffix ‘palooza’) is going great. The (band name mention #2) fans are the (best/greatest/rowdiest) in the (world) and you totally (rock/rule)! (Band name mention #3) hopes to (see you soon/autograph our stuff) this (day of week) at the (bar/festival name). (Rinse/Repeat if necessary)”

Oh well, I suppose I should go now and go try to help my new spam friends The MC Guffin. After all, their confusing website, under the ‘About Us’ link, states: “Is this new music rock of The MC Guffin the real deal or is there another band which deserves the throne of rock music.” Missing question mark aside, maybe I should reply to their inquiries by mentioning that to get more involved in the Victoria music scene, they should hire Toolshed Jack to come down to Virginia and Tool their Sheds in a Jack way of Tooling with Shed-like Jackness, Toolshed Jack-wise.

Sincerely, from long-time fan Heywood Jablome.