What’s In A Name?

In the 13+ year history of Toolshed Jack, there has never been a member named Jack. Then why use it in our band name? More interestingly, how did we dream up our band name in the first place? Other than ‘inhalant abuse’, the answer is not as simple as it should be. But any band’s name is one of the toughest decisions they have to make, aside from which large storage bin the band should keep the lead singer’s ego.

A band’s name is the very first impression many in the general public have of the band. It may tip you off as to what musical style they are, or any of dozen other factors. The mere sound of a band’s name can steer you into many thoughts about your decision whether to even check out the band at all. To give you examples, read the following (made up, I think) band names and be honest with your gut reaction as to whether you would consider paying money to go out and see them:

BARRY’S CARDIGAN
JURY DUTY
MEAN MAN
READY TO ROCK
SKOOKY-DOO
MONSTER SOUND

I know how I would react to hearing a few of these: “Nice try, but I’ll pass. Vomit.” And I have already made that decision without hearing a single song of theirs. So you see, a band’s name is something we take seriously (Trivia question: One of the names above is what Toolshed Jack seriously considered changing their name to about two years ago… Answer is at the end of this column, but don’t go peek yet. Vomit.).

A band’s name tells you something about them, or nothing at all. It is soooo strange to try and pin down what defines a “great band name”. In fact some of you read the list above and saw one name in particular and said “WOW, that’s an OUTSTANDING name for a band! JURY DUTY!!” There really is no good formula for guaranteeing a band’s name will be awesome. I think one thing we can all agree on is that there is one mega-corporation to pin the blame on all this mess: Mad Libs.

I used to think this was the formula for a memorable band name, Mad Libs style: (adjective) (noun). That’s it. And hopefully both words had nothing to do with each other. My favorite example is long-time cover band Poptart Monkeys. Maybe their name means something to them, but I love how the words have no connection whatsoever.

There are dozens of websites on the internet devoted to band names across the country, so I will just focus on the band names on PAMusicScene.com:

*Note: I have never heard any songs from any of these bands, so I only judge by hearsay. And maybe bribery. And just for fun (and really no good reason) I am taking their band names and also adding in anagrams.

PAN.A.CE.A (“Ace A Nap”)– This is Gina’s favorite band, and she says they are great. I’ll take her word for it, but the 3 dots in their name confuse me. Confusing me does not take much effort.

THE BADLEES (“Seal The Bed”)– Always sounded like a plural adverb to me, which right away proved that I delve way too deeply into things.

LA STRADA (“A Lard Sat”)– My conspiracy theory is that this is supposed to subconsciously make me think of Eric Estrada. Chips, you know…

HOTWINGJONES (“Honest Jig Now”)– Gina says this band inspired her to create the PAMusicScene.com. I read they originally wanted to be HotWingJesus, but either way they wanted hot wings in the name, and I could REALLY go for a plate of hot wings right now with some bleu cheese (but forget the stupid celery) and maybe a Margarita or something on the side to make me think of summer and maybe some honey glaze to it just as long as … Wait, we were supposed to be talking about music, weren’t we?

TOOLSHED JACK (“Sad Jock Hotel”)– Alright, here’s the truth, or at least what I think is true before I have to start making stuff up: Before I joined, our two co-founders, one of which is still our guitarist Joel, needed a band name fast right before the start of their first gig. I guess the band name was a low priority, surpassed easily by the need to learn how to tune their instruments properly. So since the two co-founders practiced often in a toolshed, that was part of it. The “Jack” part? Don’t know, although in context the phrase ‘You don’t know Jack’ makes a slight bit of sense.

The name of the band then became “Toolshed Jack and the Classics”, to which the musical focus was mostly classic rock, from the Beatles to Lynard Skynard to The Rolling Stones, The Who, and so forth. But “The Classics” was later dropped when they/we wanted to play more new and current music and OK, I KNOW YOU’RE BORED!! In reality, nobody cares about a band’s name but the band itself.

In fact, I’ll prove it: I’ve mentioned the names of six real bands in this column. And if ANYBODY (other than the band themselves) actually gives a crap about how they originally got their names, they’ll mention it in the comments section below this column. Now scroll down. SEE??? No comments from anyone that cares about a band’s name. I rest my case.

So anyway, don’t judge a band by their name. Some Schuylkill County cover bands I would consider seeing don’t have the greatest names but have good music: Tazin’ Bender, Another Side, Nemesis, and Sapphire (“Zebra Indent”, “A Steroid Hen”, “Seem Sin”, “Spare Hip”). Toolshed Jack turns people away because our name sounds like we’re the local jug band, which was why we were very close in 2008 to changing our name to “Skooky-Doo”. Needless to say, for once in our lives, our better judgment actually prevailed.

Sincerely,

-Brian from “Toolshed Jack”, or one of the other names we truthfully also considered changing to a few years ago:

-Captain Underpants
-Funky Underoos
-Clean Weiner
-Pinheads
-Cub Scout Dropouts
-Lunch Money Bandits